THE Amicable Divorce Expert with Judith Weigle

MYTH vs REALITY: Lawyers, Judges, the Court with Limor Mojdehiazad, Esq.

In this episode we discuss the following issues:

 

1. What does a good divorce look like with attorneys; what does a bad divorce look like with attorney representation?

 

2. Why do people want to hurt each other in divorce? Why do some lawyers support hurting the other spouse?

 

3. What is the primary function of a family law attorney?

 

4. What is representation supposed to look like?

 

5. The pejorative terms associated with family law attorneys that really don’t serve the clients: Bulldog Attorneys; Lawyer Up; Pitbull Attorneys; Sharks. Is there a value to these words and the type of attorney associated with these words?

 

6. Can lawyers help change public opinion of them? If so, how?

 

7. Do lawyers want to change public opinion of their pejorative image?

 

8. Myth vs Reality
   1. The Judge will totally find favor with me and with what I want.
   2. The meaner the better in court.
   3. How do you get the Judge to like you and want to listen to what you have to say and request?
   4. Family Law is a credibility issue.
   5. Divorce doesn’t have to tear your family apart, so why does it?

 

#familylaw #Judges #Attorneys #LawyerUp #PitbullAttorneys #BulldogAttorneys #Ruthless Attorneys #FamilyLawAttorneys #Litigation #Divorce #Court Trial #LawyerLimor #Court #Child Custody #ChildSupport #SpousalSupport #Mediation #CourtTV

 

 

Biography of Limor Mojdehiazad, Esq.

 

Limor was born in Israel and grew up in Los Angeles. She has a natural ability to put her clients at ease and lend support when its needed. Her tenacious personality, relentless negotiation skills, and understanding of the law help her achieve excellent results for her clients. Prior to opening her own law office in 2018, Limor practiced family law at two other private firms in Los Angeles County, Bet Tzedek Legal Services and, Legal Aid Foundation of Los Angeles, and the Harriet Buhai Center for Family Law. She continues to volunteer at the Harriet Buhai Center on a monthly basis to serve the indigent in need of family law services.

 

Limor has trained with family law judges at the Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution at Pepperdine University. She received her Juris Doctor from Southwestern Law School and her Bachelor of Arts degree from California State university, Northridge.

 

Limor is a member of the Beverly Hills Bar Association, San Fernando Bar Association, Los Angeles County Bar Association, Southwestern Family Law American Inns of Court, Provisors, and Divorce Transition Professionals. Limor is also a commentator for Court TV.

 

Limor is also fluent in Farsi.

 

Law Office of Limor Mojdehiazad, APC

Beverly Hills, CA

310.256.2872

limor@limor.com

@lawyerlimor on IG and Tik Tok (over 11 million followers)

How to Understand and Avoid Relationship Exploitation with Barry Mozian, Licensed Private Investigator, President – Talon Companies

Undercover operations, Background checks and due diligence investigations and litigation support are primarily the work of Barry’s company, Talon Executive Services.

 

Romance, Financial, and Relationship Exploitation exists and is more prevalent than you think.

 

People who are being exploited avoid facts, and let their emotions engage their heart in a relationship and don’t want to believe that they’re being taken advantage of. It’s hard to accept that we’re being taken advantage of.

 

You have to be honest with yourself to be able to identify when there are problems of exploitation. Self-denial is high especially if the exploited individual is a successful person. People aren’t able to accept that they’re being taken advantage of because of the business or financial success. They believe they’re too smart to be exploited emotionally and financially.

 

Immigration marriages are a big part of the exploited relationships. There are requests being made of the exploited individual that aren’t normal. Asking for money for themselves, asking for money for their families, asking for continued financial support and an independent way of living are commons asks.

 

When you are face-to-face in an exploited relationship you are in a bubble. You can’t see and correctly interpret the signs that you are being exploited. Reach out to trusted personal and professional advisors to help you deal with your blind spots in the relationship. The heart wants what the heart wants.

 

“We curate solutions that work within the law to get the client the information they need to be able to clearly decide if they want to continue the relationship,” Dozian explained.

 

The right signals to be in a wrong relationship exist, but the exploited can’t see them. A personal sense of self-esteem has been destroyed in a highly successful person when engaged in an exploited relationship.

 

The exploiter uses human intelligence to exploit people in online dating, which is a target-rich environment. We are giving predators a reason to exploit us as we are asking for love and emotional support in this environment. Self-awareness is key when doing online dating.

 

What is exploitation, the signs, the red flags in relationship exploitation?

1) Red flag: Everything is moving faster than normal. Ask yourself, “Why?”

2) What do I truly know about this individual? If asked and answered honestly should act as a speed break for a relationship that is going down the path of exploitation.

 

3) When things become chaotic: My family needs help, and even though we don’t know each other that well, can I have money for my family? Exploiters are good at emotional entanglements. Exploiters are called predators. The depth and size of the ask means something. It is a result of a good predator assessing the victim for a time to give the ask, and for the size of the ask. No one in a normal relationship would jeopardize the relationship by asking for things that aren’t appropriate for the point they are at in the relations

 

Maybe the exploited thinks they’re too cynical.  Pay attention to your instincts, because your instincts are your guide. Ask, “Why did you think it was okay to ask me for money this early in the relationship?”

 

Predator:  Human beings are instinctual creatures. We follow society’s rules. We lose site of the fact that our natural default position is to think we’re wrong and are making an incorrect assessment of the relationship.

 

Question yourself why you’re in this relationship. There is a physiological dilemma when the sex is good.

 

Engaging with someone emotionally requires self-confidence.

 

“Online dating is the Serengeti of predatory relationships,” Dozian emphasizes. “Be mindful of everyone who approaches you.”

 

How to get out of a predatory relationship? Dozian suggests sitting down by yourself, in a quiet space, and put pen to paper. Write down a time line of when you met the individual; write down significant aspects of the relationships, and odd things that struck you about the relationship. Write significant benchmarks, until you come to a point that made you question the relationship. Identify the red flags. This is when the epiphany takes place. Then share the time line with someone you trust, to get their reaction to the events. The potentially exploited then starts doubting themselves, thinking there is something wrong with them, while it’s so easy to ignore the signs and let the relationship take its natural course.

 

Depending on the results of writing the time line, be prepared to close off access to your financial wealth. Prevent the syphoning of your money.

 

Divorce is an issue of compromise. If you need to end the marriage, go according to the law of the state and get out of the marriage. Decide if Annulment or straight law is better to end the marriage.

 

#relationshipexploitation #immigrationdivorce #onlinedatingsites #financialexploitation #romancefraud #annulment #privatedetective #backgroundcheck #trustyourgut #realitysucks #predatoryrelationship #immigrationmarriage #relationshipredflags #divorcingapredator #divorcinganarcissist

 

Biography of Barry Mozian, Licensed Private Investigator; President – Talon Companies

 

Mr. Mozian’s corporate investigations/security experience spans more than fifteen years and covers a diverse range of disciplines to include fraud investigations, undercover drug/theft investigations and targeted violence prevention. Mr. Mozian is an expert at conducting corporate internal investigations that detect, assess and resolve issues of malfeasance in the workplace.

 

As a result of extensive field experience, Mr. Mozian has developed a specific emphasis on mitigating the civil liability to the client that can arise as a result of an internal investigation while simultaneously yielding a better than 94% confession rate during investigative interviews. These result are achieved through the use of a proprietary investigation/interview technique that has been developed to meet the specific needs of businesses and labor attorneys alike.

 

Mr. Mozian’s background experience and training in the disciplines of security and investigations began during his years in the U.S. Army as a field intelligence specialist and has continued through his career postings with several corporate internal investigation teams.

 

And he’s really good at relationship and romance fraud as you will hear on this exciting episode!

 

Barry Mozian

President, Talon Companies

714.434.7476

bmozian@talonexec.net

How Can Mom Afford to Keep the House? with Mona Elhalwagy, JD, NMLS #663069, Mortgage Broker

On Episode 180 of THE Amicable Divorce Expert podcast we interviewed Mona Elhalwagy, JD, NMLS: 663069 is a mortgage broker with Forbix. Mona lays out the formulas to use to provide a mortgage for Moms especially, if Mom is the lower wage earner and wants to keep the house.

 

What does a mortgage broker do? Brokers go to mortgage companies to find funding. These mortgage companies do not promote themselves to the public, just to mortgage brokers.

 

We discuss a number of different situations to help Mom get a mortgage, or refinance the mortgage in her name solely.

1. Mom reenters the workforce to qualify.
2. Mom takes in renters.
3. Mom gets significant financial assets in the divorce settlement enough to get a mortgage.
4. Mom receives child and spousal support.

 

Here is the guideline: 

• In order for alimony or child support to be considered as acceptable stable, income, it must continue for at least three years after the date of the mortgage application. To be considered stable income, full, regular, and timely payments must have been received for six months or longer. 
• Income received for less than six months is considered unstable and may not be used to qualify the borrower for the mortgage.

How much to qualify for a $300k loan? Assuming the following:

• $600k value
• Good credit score
• A car payment of $250, $100 for property insurance, $400 in property taxes and a 3.875% rate
• Need to make about $4400 a month
• Lenders want to make sure that the mortgage and minimum monthly debt is less than 50% of the gross income

Niche products

Asset depletion

• Asset Depletion is a method of calculating a monthly income stream based on a borrower’s assets
• In general, Checking accounts, savings accounts, mutual funds, bonds, trusts, public stocks, CDs, cash value of life insurance and retirement assets are eligible.
• Different lenders use different formulas to convert the assets into monthly income. Some will take the assets and divide the by 84 months. Others use an amortization schedule based on the client’s age.
• For example, if a client has $1 million of assets/ 84 months, that equals about $11,900 of monthly income and the assets can stay in the account.

Alternatives for self-employed clients

12 months Bank statements – flexibility in using personal or business statements

Pure stated income for owner occupied homes

• Only use the equity in the property. Rate is generally higher, but interest only is available.
• Very few lenders have this product because most lenders need to show an “ability to repay” when it’s an owner occupied home. This is a good alternative to private money loans.

Stated income loans for investment properties

• If the community has investment property, it is generally easier to qualify for investment property because lenders can look to the rents received to qualify the client for the loan
• Have a product where the rents just need to cover the mortgage, taxes and insurance payments. Interest only payments are also available.

 

How lenders look at income

 

Alimony or child support

In order for alimony or child support to be considered as acceptable stable, income, it must continue for at least three years after the date of the mortgage application. We will accept as verification that alimony or child support will continue to be paid with a copy of the divorce decree, or separation agreement if the divorce is not final

Document no less than six months of the borrower’s most recent regular receipt of the full payment.

This is good to know in terms of structuring support. For example, if support will continue for 5 years at a higher amount, perhaps structure the settlement so that it continues at a higher amount for 3 years, if possible.

 

Reentering workforce

A minimum history of two years of employment income is recommended. However, income that has been received for a shorter period of time may be considered as acceptable income, as long as the borrower’s employment profile demonstrates that there are positive factors to reasonably offset the shorter income history.

 

Part time income

Part Time Income can be considered for use in qualifying as long as the Borrower has a two (2) year history of receipt but no less than twelve (12) months (subject to underwriter discretion).  As far as re-entering the workforce, the Underwriter will need to review the Borrower’s prior employment history for the two (2) years prior to leaving the workforce

 

Staying on title if on mortgage

Some people think that if they remove themselves from title, that they are also off the loan. This is not the case. Being on title is what gives your rights to the property, like being able to sell or refinance the property. Being on the loan just means that you are liable for the mortgage payment. When your spouse refinances the house, it is best to coordinate with escrow to remove yourself from title. This way, you will be removed from title simultaneously when the loan is funded and records

 

A Stipulation and Order can correct the monthly amounts for child and spousal support if the settlement agreement doesn’t meet the requirements for the length of time that Mom has to receive child or spousal support to get the mortgage. The overall amount of money can remain the same for spousal support while the monthly allotments can be diminished to be over a longer period of time in order to meet the mortgage requirements.

 

BIOGRAPHY for Mona Elhalwagy, JD, NMLS #663069

 

Mona Elhalwagy started her career in lending more than 15 years ago as a wholesale lender.

One of her responsibilities was to educate brokers on loan products and how to structure loans. This allowed her to pre-underwrite files before they were submitted to maximize the likelihood of approval.

 

While working in lending during the day, Mona went to Loyola Law School in the evening and graduated in 2001. After graduation, she stayed in lending because she liked the fast-paced environment and had a passion for how financing works. Mona is a proud member of the California Bar Association.

 

At Forbix, a loan brokerage firm, she offers all types of loan products for residential and commercial properties. She has a passion for listening to her client’s situation, understanding their goals, and finding the suitable loan product for their needs. It is her vast variety of loan products and industry knowledge which allow her to accomplish this for her clients.

 

She can be reached at mona@forbix.com or 818-822-5550 (NMLS: 663069  DRE: 01221578). The company website is www.forbix.com.

 

Social media-

https://www.linkedin.com/in/mona-elhalwagy-21a2a36/

 

#realestate #thehouse #divorce #mortgages #spousalsupport #childsupport #divorcesettlement #creativefinancing #divisionofassets #divorcemediation #creativemortgages #mortgagequalifying #mediation #monaelhalwagy #theamicabledivorceexpert #theamicabledivorceexpertpodcast

#title and mortgage #leavingtitle #leavingmortgage

CELEBS KELLY & BRANDON; KATIE & TOM: THE HOUSE IS WHOSE?

KATIE MALONEY & TOM SCHWARTZ – Vanderpump Rules stars

 

KELLY CLARKSON & BRANDON BLACKSTOCK

 

One of the hardest assets to deal with is the house. And when you’re a celebrity, you probably have an expensive home and maybe several of them. Our two celebrity divorces are Kelly Clarkson, winner of American Idol, singer, and talk show host, and her music manger former husband (divorce final in September of last year) Brandon Blackstock; and Katie Maloney & Tom Schwartz of Vanderpump Rules, Sur Restaurant and Tom Tom nightlife spot.

 

Real estate was part of their divorce and our topic for today.

 

Real estate is expensive, most times the most valuable asset people have, and the hardest asset to move forward, in many cases, by the time the divorce can be final. It’s emotional and financial. Emotions drive the initial decision. Then logic sets in. Or not. It just gets crazier, more complicated and back to emotional.

 

Let’s look at Katie Maloney and Tom Schwartz first. They had a very amicable split and mutual decision on selling the house. Katie was quoted in US Weekly saying that the decision was, in fact emotional at first, but then she went through the numbers to see if it was financially feasible for her to keep the house, and that logic became her determining factor to sell the house. It was too much of a financial burden for her to keep it and pay for everything herself, even with her cast member fee with Bravo for the reality show Vanderpump Rules.

 

Now let’s look at a more complicated situation, Kelly Clarkson and Brandon Blackstock. Many celebrities invest in real estate. It’s safer and more lucrative than stocks, typically. It’s also a tangible asset, which means that failing a flood, hurricane or fire, you always know how the asset is doing, and the volatility in the real estate market is far less than the volatility in stocks. There was a pre-nuptial agreement, and this one piece of property, a ranch in Montana, was solely Kelly’s in the pre-nup. But Brandon, as so many spouses do at the time of divorce, wanted to contest the pre-nup as far as the community property status of the Montana Ranch was concerned. No contest; it went to Kelly.

 

Here’s what happens with most divorces when the house is the largest asset and some complicated situations arise:

1. There are children, Mom wants to stay in the house, but can’t afford it.
   1. Other spouse can continue to pay for the house until Mom can make more money and refinance the house to buy the other spouse out.
   2. Child and spousal support may not be enough for the loan-to-value ratio needed for a mortgage.
   3. Mom will have to earn more money, if possible, to be able to get a loan and refinance the house in her name and give Dad his equity share.
2. One spouse doesn’t want to get divorced, is addicted to drugs or alcohol, and won’t sign the paperwork to put the house on the market.
   1. You’ll need a lawyer to discuss how this works in your state.
   2. In California, you can request a Hearing and request the court to order the house to be sold and sign the paperwork if the addicted spouse can’t. or won’t
3. The community property value isn’t either agreed upon, or even that it is community property.
   1. It was owned by one spouse prior to the marriage, and the other spouse wasn’t put on the Title. Lega; advice needed to see if it matters that both spouses aren’t on Title. There are other factors that come into play to determine if the house is part community and part separate property.
   2. It was owned by one spouse prior to the marriage and the other spouse paid part of the mortgage, property taxes, or made some improvements to the property. Legal advice will explain how community property is created in your state. In California, the monies spouses make on their jobs from date of marriage to date of separation are community property dollars, and when spent on things used by both spouses, like paying the mortgage on a house, creates community property.
   3. The house was owned by one spouse during the marriage and that spouse had a separate source of money that existed prior to the marriage that was used to pay mortgage, property taxes, or improvements. Definitely need legal advice. Perhaps the house remains separate property, but the operative word is “perhaps”.
4. There is a pre-nup that clearly states the house isn’t community property but the mortgage was paid for with community property money.
   1. Ask a lawyer for legal advice.
   2. What does the pre-nup say about using community funds for the house? This is key in determining whether community property was inadvertently created with the house.
5. Sell the house and reinvest the money. Clean, simple, easy. If there is enough money for each spouse to buy something else with their equity share, you’ve hit the jackpot!
6. The house is under water, meaning the mortgage is more than the equity in the house.
   1. A short sale still requires the sellers to make up the difference in what the house sold for and what the current owners owe the bank.
   2. Keep the house, continue to share the expenses, and sell it when there is no cash outlay from the sellers to move the property forward.

 

#realestate #dividingthehouse #buyout #TitleTransfer #equity #realestateadvice #realestatemediation #loanrefinance #communityproperty #equitabledivisionofassets #divorcesettlement #nesting #mediation #amicabledivorce #appraisingthehouse

Communication and Parental Alienation with Despina Mavridou, Author, Mediator and Child of Divorce

On Episode 179 of THE Amicable Divorce Expert podcast we have mediator Despina Mavridou, author of Mum, Dad, Can You Hear Me? And a child of divorce, as our guest to discuss the importance of communication between parents, how a lack of communication leads to growing apart and eventually divorce, and how divorce affects children and leads to Parental Alienation.

 

Highlights from the Interview:

 

I was trying to be the adult when I was 10. I saw my mother crying and tried to help her. I also tried to be the mediator between my parents, for instance, and ask my father for money, for my mother, because my mother didn’t want to.

 

There were emotions I tried to suppress until therapy in my adult life. I suppressed sadness, anger, and the alienation I experienced with my father.

 

My parents were using me as a weapon to hurt each other. They didn’t mean to, but they were because they never dealt with the issues that led to their divorce and therefore couldn’t talk to each other without arguing.

 

What should parents do to prepare for a divorce if there are minor children? Therapy. Nobody can deal with divorce alone. Everyone going through divorce needs help beyond attorneys. They need therapists, coaches, anyone who can help parents, especially fathers, to deal with the reasons for the divorce. Fathers feel a lot of shame and blame that they don’t express.

 

My mother cried a lot. I wanted to help her stop crying. I distanced myself from my father because I thought this would protect my mother from her sadness and anger. I thought that by siding with my mother it would make the whole divorce better for me, my sister, and my mother.

 

My sister and I felt like we were in a battle between our parents, even to explain to mom what we did with our dad was uncomfortable.  In order to make my mother happy, we felt we had to badmouth our dad.

 

If parents don’t know themselves well, lived a life that was fulfilling leading up to marriage and starting a family, they may not grow together as a family.

 

My parents never learned how to communicate, how to put themselves first, and blamed each other for not being happy.

 

My dad had an outside relationship because my mom spent more time working and raising my sister and I than she spent with my father, and they didn’t grow as a couple.  My mother made more money than my dad. That was a problem for my dad’s pride.

 

Listening and communicating are essential in developing a good relationship as parents and as a married couple.

 

Kids don’t want to be part of their parents’ arguments: Different rules in both houses; Don’t want to talk about money; Don’t want to negotiate the co-parenting schedule.

 

Parental alienation was the only answer in order to stop being the messenger between my parents. When I said to my mother that I would stop seeing my father in order to make her happy, my mother said this wasn’t right. Although my mother spoke badly about my father, she also said that I should still see my father. I was very confused about this.

 

I needed my mother’s approval, and wanted to be a good girl, so I thought that if I ignored my father I would please my mother.

 

30 years later, my mother is in a new relationship but still expresses anger towards my father. The issues from the divorce linger because my mother never got help to work on those issues, nor did my father. My parents still don’t talk.

 

Biography of Despina Mavridou

 

My name is Despina Mavridou. I am an author, a mediator and a lawyer in Greece. I have experienced the negative effects of divorce due to my parent’s separation when I was 10 years old. I was in the middle of their fights for many years, even after the judgement of divorce was issued by the Court, trying to find a balance. Thus, when I was approximately 17 years old I took the decision that I don’t want to see my dad anymore and this cost me my relationship with him for more than 20 years. We have reunited recently.

 

As an adult I have worked as a lawyer for many years but in the last four years I have discovered mediation and a passion for writing. For this reason, I have decided to leave my job as a lawyer and concentrate mostly on my passion. My first published book is titled Mum, Dad, Can You Hear Me? This is because I was always feeling inside me that I wanted to share certain things with my parents so as to make them understand how I was feeling about the divorce. Through family mediations I understood how difficult it is for parents to get in their kid’s shoes. For this reason, I wanted to give to the book Mum, Dad Can You Hear Me? a dual purpose. On one hand I want to help children understand that the divorce is not the end of the world and that they can have both parents in their lives. On the other hand, I want to help parents see the divorce through the eyes of a 10-year-old girl so as to better understand the thoughts, needs and feelings of the kids and how important it is for them to have both parents in their lives.

 

Despoina.mavridou@gmail.com

FB https://www.facebook.com/AuthorDespinaMavridou

IG https://www.instagram.com/author_despina_mavridou/

 

#parentalalienation #divorce #childofdivorce #coparenting #mediation #bestinterestsofthechild #communication #takingsides #childrenasmessengers #childrenasweapons #divorcecourt #childsupport #infidelity #divorcegrief #stagesofgrief #anger #forgiveness #apology

How to Amicably Co-Parent with Dr. Lynne Meyer

Episode 178:  How to Amicably Co-Parent with Dr. Lynne Meyer

On the Amicable Divorce Expert podcast Judith interviews Dr. Lynne Meyer, a psychologist who works with children and families. The questions addressed in this interview with Dr. Meyer are the following:

1. Can an amicable divorce and co-parenting relationship change from contentious to amicable, and how?
2. How can co-parents become child-centered if the parents are still fighting each other?
3. What are some co-parenting techniques that will get the parents unstuck from a volatile relationship in order to co-parent in a child-centered way?
4. How do you get parents to understand that the child needs to be with both parents as much as possible?
5. How do you get parents to understand the size of the loss created with a divorce, both on the parents’ end and the loss that the children are experiencing?
6. Are there therapeutic steps to take before filing for divorce?
7. How should parents tell their children that there will be a divorce?
8. How can parents support their children in expressing and dealing with their fear as a result of the divorce?
9. What are the dangers in using two different co-parenting styles?
10. What are the dangers in not allowing children to share accomplishments with the non-custodial parent if the custodial parent won’t allow communication between the children and the other parent when it’s not the other parent’s time with the child?
11. What is the benefit in co-parenting therapy?
12. What is the benefit in child therapy?
13. Why does a child present themselves differently to each parent?
14. Can child therapy help help the co-parents come together with a united parenting style?

Biography of Dr. Lynne Meyer

Dr. Lynne Meyer has been in private practice for 27 years.  She is originally from Cape Town, South Africa where she trained as a teacher psychologist at University of Cape Town.  After leaving South Africa, she lived in Israel for 5 years before coming to the United States to train as a clinical psychologist at CSPP now Alliant University where she obtained a doctorate in psychology.

Dr. Meyer has also trained at NCP in Child Psychology.  She is presently training in Mindfulness Trauma Work.

Specialties

Dr. Meyer specializes in trauma and abuse.  Her specialty is working with children who are in high conflict custody divorce situations and are sometimes estranged from one parent.             Dr. Meyer works frequently for the court in family therapy, reunification therapy and co-parent therapy.  Dr. Meyer is focused on the child’s best interest and their development.  She is focused on helping children make the transition and adjustment in a divorced family. She works with children as early as 3 upwards.

Dr. Meyer has an empathic compassionate approach. She works with children in conjunction with parents to help families to heal from divorce. She works with a hybrid of psychoanalytic, trauma based and mindfulness therapy.

www.DrLynneMeyer.com 

#co-parenting #parallelparenting #mediation #familycourt #childtherapy #tellingthechildren #divorce #childtherapist #divorcelawyer #bestinterestofthechild #amicabledivorce #divorcepodcast #amicabledivorcepodcast #drlynnemeyer #amicabledivorcenetwork #amicabledivorcenetwork #coparentingtherapy

Creating the Best Attorney-Client Relationship W/Attorney David K. Yamamoto

Today on THE Amicable Divorce Expert podcast, we speak with Attorney David K. Yamamoto about creating the best attorney-client relationship, and what that means. David is highly respected among California Judges and attorneys, as well as his hundreds of happy clients. David’s approach to representation is ethical, calm, insightful, and thoughtful. Just speaking with David and listening to his tone of voice creates an environment of peace in a somewhat chaotic time.

 

The client is in charge whether they know it or not. The attorney needs the approval of their clients to move through the filing process.  Knowledge of the law is to every spouse’s advantage so that they can be a knowing participant in the divorce filing.

 

Only attorneys can give legal advice. Legal advice is based on extensive knowledge of the law and years of work in a courtroom. People can call an attorney just for legal advice. Most attorneys will give about 10 minutes of time pro bono, and then charge an hourly rate for a more extensive conversation, especially if the case is complicated. There is a difference between interviewing an attorney to see if that person feels right to you for full representation, and scheduling a talk simply for legal advice. Full representation will require an initial deposit of anywhere from $5,000 - $15,000, and that’s just to start a case.  Expect to provide more money in continuing retainers as the case moves forward. Once the initial retainer is used at the specified hourly rate for the attorney and his/her paralegals, additional retainers will be needed.A short meeting just to get legal rights defined is charged by the hour and typically lasts one to two hours. Some attorneys charge their standard hourly rate and other attorneys charge a little less than their standard hourly rate.

 

Many attorneys, after an initial consultation, decide if the client is right for them, and also determine if the client actually needs the services of an attorney rather than a paralegal licensed to file in court for what is called an “amicable divorce”. In those conversations the potential client is doing the same, deciding if the attorney’s approach, tone of voice, and demeanor is right for them.  The attorney-client relationship is one built on respect and trust.  Follow your gut as a potential client to determine how you feel about the conversation, what was said and how it was said.

 

 If people don’t need an attorney, there are other options in filing for divorce. In many states, like California where Attorney Yamamoto practices, there are Legal Document Assistants (LDA), people who have paralegal degrees and an additional license as an LDA to be able to file paperwork for people in a less litigious and contentious divorce. Or, there are now many online services that exist to remotely help with the forms and agreements for simple divorces.

 

The range in cost for a full divorce differs from state to state. If the divorce doesn’t go to trial and is handled as an out-of-court settlement, it can be around $20,000 - $40,000 per person. Yes, this is a lot of money especially considering that a trial may not be needed. If the case goes to trial, and there are many hearings for specific reasons like spousal and child support, custody, and vocational evaluations, the price could go up to and exceed a million dollars.

 

If the client needs an attorney but doesn’t have the money to go the distance financially with what they have in accessible cash, this creates a very difficult situation. If there is real estate in the asset portfolio of the client, or other large financial assets like retirement plans, they can be used to pay the attorney. Sometimes, the attorney is obligated to stay with a client, and put them on a payment plan, if there is a pending trial. There is an obligation within the legal framework of the law that requires an attorney to stick with the case if leaving the case would jeopardize the client’s outcome.

 

The key in keeping costs down is communication. Communication between spouses is essential in getting to the settlement faster, which brings the case to an end.  And keeping emotional communication with the attorney to a minimum as the attorney is only there to work on the legal aspects of the divorce, not the emotional side. Therapists are there to help deal with the emotions of the spouses.

 

Every client needs to have their attorney clearly explain everything that is planned for the filing. Clients needs to do their own research online so that they can ask the right questions to determine if what the attorney is suggesting is necessary. Unfortunately, there are many attorneys in family law that take advantage of the emotional fragility of their clients, and take advantage of their clients not doing their own research to be able to participate in the decisions of their attorneys. These attorneys see dollar signs with emotional, unknowledgeable clients, or see dollar signs in clients who simply want to hurt the other spouse and agree to participate in this somewhat unethical behavior.

 

A good attorney/client relationship is based on timely and accurate communication, trust, respect, and the mutual intention to be ethical, honest and intelligent. This goes both ways. Clients cannot ask their attorneys to do anything that is unethical, nor can attorneys respond to unethical requests other than to say, “No”. If an attorney agrees to do anything unethical for their client, know that the attorney quite often will pad their bill and perform in an unethical manner financially.

 

How can a client tell if their attorney is creating unnecessary work just for the attorney’s own financial gain?  Clients need to do research online regarding everything the attorney suggest.  The client should always ask “Why?” when next steps are suggested by their attorney other than the normal steps that are required in a divorce. There aren’t a lot of required filings in a divorce that doesn’t need witnesses and hearings.  But if the case is fraught with complication, intertwined assets and debts, substance abuse, and mental health issues, this is when the case gets expensive and many filings are necessary. The client should ask why the next filing is important. Then the client should take responsibility for stopping their attorney from doing something that doesn’t feel right or doesn’t make sense to the client.

 

It can’t be said enough that the client is bottom line in charge of the attorney-client relationship. With this responsibility comes the need for education, focus, discipline, and communication. If after the attorney-client relationship has begun, and it’s not working out, the client should end the relationship and seek other counsel. Nip it in the bud before the bill is too high to leave the relationship. Trust your gut and do your homework. Don’t be afraid to speak up. If you are, you have the wrong attorney.

 

Biography of David K. Yamamoto, Esq.

 

David K. Yamamoto, Principal Attorney at Yamamoto Family Law, Torrance, CA, has been in practice since 1986 and remains focused on the subtleties of family law. His extensive experience and skills in this area as a counselor, litigator (over 260 divorce trials plus 23 jury trials), mediator and collaborator has allowed his firm to achieve remarkable results for his clients.

 

In addition to David’s success as a strong litigator, advocate and mediator, he and his associates also practice collaborative divorce and provide mediation services which are non-adversarial interventions providing viable options to traditional divorce processes. David is a member of A Better Divorce – a group comprised of attorneys and other professionals committed to helping resolve family law issues without the need for court proceedings.

 

David is one of those rare attorneys who is practical, sensitive to his clients’ needs, moderately priced for his years of experience and success. David will do what is necessary to properly represent his clients, but will not take their money for work that is not necessary. A jewel among gems in Los Angeles family law.

 

#divorce #divorceattorney #collaborativeattorney #familylaw #mediation #litigation #litigator #attorneyclientrelationship #divorcetrial #davidyamamoto #legalfees #costofdivorce #legaladvice #legalcounsel #honesty #ethics #legalethics #communication #legalknowledge

2nd Marriage Co-Parenting Tips w/ Judy Graybill, Step-Parent Coach

THE Amicable Divorce Expert interviews Judy Graybill, Step-Parent Coach, on the best ways to be a step-parent in a second marriage. Second marriages are tough for several reasons, but there are empowering things you can do about it:

 

1. If the biological parents haven’t healed from their divorce, the step-parent inherits the trauma from their marriage.  That trauma will play out in the co-parents’ relationship, in the co-parents’ relationship with their children, and will permeate the relationship in the second marriage between  the step-parent and biological parent.
   
   
2. Initially, the step parent should step back from trying to parent their way, and instead follow the parenting style of their partner, to increase likelihood of harmony. As they build an organic relationship with the step-child over time, their influence with the children will grow commensurately.
3. The age of the children should be considered when figuring out how to handle the presenting challenges. Kids who are 9 yrs old and older need more time to adjust to their new family. As such, the step parent should take a slow approach to bonding and getting involved.
   
   
4. If the step-parent and their biological parent spouse have different parenting styles, this becomes friction in their relationship.
   
   
5. Biological Dad in the 2^nd marriage plays a key role in the relationship between the mom and step mom. If he has unrealistic expectations of step mom, she’ll find herself accidentally stepping on mom’s toes.
   
   
6. Boundaries  need to be established between the biological parent and ex-spouse, in order to minimize conflict between households, as well as with the current spouse (the step parent).
   
   
7. Step-parents need to be mindful of speaking well of the other biological parent regardless of how the step-parent feels about that parent.
   
   
8. Two-way communication of expectations between the step parent and biological parent should be ongoing, although can feel repetitive.
   
   
9. Keep the conversation with the other biological parent specific to co-parenting rather than anything personal.
   
   
10. All co-parents ~ biological, step, and ex’s ~ would do well to learn and understand common stepfamily dynamics to help prepare for potential challenges, which will help them sidestep or navigate through.
    
    
11. Any co-parent who can keep their side of the street clean will facilitate a positive relationship with all other parties.
    
    
12. For holidays, it’s advisable for the step-parent to learn the family traditions of her family so to avoid inadvertently hurting the feeling of the other parent, while simultaneously creating new traditions that are unique to the step-parent and their step-children.

 

The best-case scenarios typically happen when the biological parent heals completely after their divorce, and is able to gain closure from their 1^st marriage prior to remarrying. Called an Emotional Divorce, this facilitates co-parenting communications, and has best outcomes for the children.  Then, when there is an issue between the step-parent and co-parents over ideologies or logistics in decisions for the children, nobody feels threatened or undermined. Thus, it’s easier to answer the question, , “What would give the children the healthiest and happiest life? What would keep the peace and provide harmony in both households?”

 

Otherwise, if an emotional divorce is not achieved, the issues that ended the marriage can easily play out in co-parenting and influence the step-parent. Therapy for all three adults together can help work on the current blended parenting relationship if all parents want the relationship to work, and want to be the best parents they can be, minus the titles of biological and step. Children would like nothing more than for everyone to get along.

 

Bottom Line: Be a healthy Role Model for the kids, advocating the positive values you hold dear, even if you have to do it silently. This is ultimately what the kids learn.

 

#divorce #step-parent #co-parent #parentingstyles #blendedfamily #mediation #step-parentcoach #co-parentingwithanarcissist #co-parenting #step-mom #step-dad #highconflictparenting #boundaires #holidays #holidayfamilytraditions #secondmarriages #marriagetrauma #bestinterestofthechild #discipline #co-parentingtips

Celebs Kim & Kanye: When and How to Introduce New Partners

I. This month’s celebrity divorce focuses on Kim Kardashian and Kanye West and their significant others. They both did everything wrong if the model is “Best Interests of the Child” and making sure that the co-parents have worked out this new co-parenting relationship first before bringing new people into the picture.

1. Kim and Kanye have 4 children, and have been married 7 years.
2. Kim filed for divorce in February 2021.
3. In October 2021 Kim was on Saturday Night Live and met Pete Davidson. She started dating him immediately and posted pictures of him on her social media. Kanye had a revolving door of women immediately, starting with Irina Shayk, Vinetria the model, Julia Fox, and Chaney Jones. These women may not have all met his children, but if they were anywhere near a phone or a computer, they saw their dad in dating action. And, Kanye was unkind to Kim and Pete in his social media posts, resulting in an Instagram ban for a day. But, didn’t Kim know how Kanye would react to her going public with anyone she would be dating? This is my biggest concern that she had to have known how Kanye would react to anyone she might initiate a relationship with, but did it have to go public as soon as dating started? Couldn’t Pete Davidson have been the exception to the rule of publishing her life on social media? Did she have to go to the Met Gala with him? There are times when personal life has to come first, and business second.
4. I think the most important part of this divorce is how both Kim and Kanye exposed their children to their other relationships while the children were processing the divorce.
5. Should they be using Our Family Wizard? More than likely, “Yes”. Since both Kim and Kanye live their lives on social media, by osmosis, so do their children. In order to avoid bringing their fight to the public and potentially embarrassing their children, they need to keep their communication to the public as positive as possible and without divulging the most personal aspects of their lives. That’s hard for people who have to remain in the public eye to make a living, but does the public need to know every detail of a celebrity’s life in order for the celebrity to work? How about Susan Sarandon, Julia Roberts, Meryl Streep, or Martha Stewart? Does the public know who their children are? Nope. And they still work.

 

II. When and how to introduce new partners to the children and the other parent is always tricky. Sometimes the marriage ends because one of the spouses already has another partner. But the attention and care to detail on how to fold this new relationship into an existing family is still the same: The kids come first.

 

Questions to ask yourself when new relationships exist:

                             (1) Is this a relationship that looks like it might last?

                             (2) How long has the relationship existed? Has it lasted long enough to justify an introduction to the children? Remember Renee Zelwegger in the film Jerry Maguire? She wouldn’t introduce Tom Cruise to her son until the relationship was solid and long enough to move forward.

                             (3) If this relationship was the catalyst for ending the marriage, how will introducing the new partner to the children affect them?

                             (4) Has the other parent met the new partner yet? Will the other parent get to meet the new partner before being introduced to the children?

                             (5) What if the children are still healing from the divorce, can they adjust to someone else being in their parent’s life? What are you going to do if the children don’t accept the new partner? What are you going to do if the children only want to be with you and not your new partner while adjusting to and reattaching with each parent separately?

                             (6) How long should you wait before forming new relationships? Have you processed the divorce yet? Or are you forming another relationship before taking a good look at why the marriage didn’t work? Are you choosing the same person as the one you’re divorcing? Can you even recognize that you might be making the same incorrect choice again, especially if you haven’t processed your role and your choice of mate in the marriage that’s ending?

 

These are all questions that have to be asked because the children need stability and they need to redefine their relationships with each parent individually; they are also going through the divorce. They have emotions about the break-up of their family; they need to develop a new type of attachment to their parents; they might be used as messengers between their parents if their parents haven’t resolved their hurt, which is a horrible thing to do to them; they will need to get used to two different homes with two different co-parenting styles; and when a new partner is brought into their lives there may be other children involved which has to be factored into the blended family equation.

 

III. Here’s the best process for introducing new partners to the children:

1. Make sure the children are emotionally secure with their biological parents in this new co-parenting relationship before introducing a new partner of one of their parents. Children need quiet time, alone time with each parent in their new environment. They need to feel secure with each parent separately. Children need to vent and express their feelings, their fears, their concerns, to each parent about the divorce. Divorce affects the whole family, not just the parents.
2. Introduce the new partner to the other parent first, if possible. It shows respect for the biological parent, and it doesn’t create a situation in which the children may feel that they have to protect the parent without a new partner, or defend the parent with the new partner.
3. If the new partner existed before the divorce, and was the catalyst for the divorce, it could be extremely difficult to have the biological parent accept the new partner, at least at first, but it’s worth a try. At some point all adults are parenting the children. Complete avoidance of meeting is probably not possible, but with time a cordial relationship may be established. Biological parents should know and be comfortable with another adult participating in raising their children.
4. Make sure you’re in a monogamous, committed relationship for at least six months if not a year before introducing a new partner to your children. Please don’t introduce everyone that you’re dating to your children. Your children have to adjust to two household first, and feel secure that they will still have stability in a two-household family. A new partner should add stability, not insecurity to their lives.
5. Balance the time you spend with your children alone, and with your children and your new partner. Once your new partner is known to your children, they still need time to adjust to this new dynamic, their biological parent with someone other than the other biological parent. It’s a lot for children to process.
6. DO NOT post on Facebook or any other social media site, all the people you are dating while going through the divorce. Keep your personal life private. Your children will eventually see a side of their parents that may not be healthy for them.

Children are concerned and unsure about how to speak with their parents once there are two households. They often don’t know what to share. They often think they need to protect the parent who appears more vulnerable. Please let your children enjoy their youth. Introduce new partners when this will add to your children’s lives, and not send them spiraling into emotional chaos. Respect your children and they will reward you with the respect you deserve for considering them as important, integral parts of the family throughout the divorce.

 

#divorce #childrenofdivorce #bestinterestsofthechild #co-parenting #co-parentingwithanarcissist #narcissist #personalitydisorder #newrelationships #childtherapy #blendedfamilies #stepparents #narcissism #co-parentcommunication #stepparent #respect #consideration #amicabledivorce #amicableco-parenting #amicabledivorce #mediation #kimkardashian #kanyewest #petedavidson #juliafox #chaneyjones #kriskardashian #brucejenner #kaitlynjenner #childrenofdivorce

How to Spot and Divorce a Narcissist w/Victoria McCooey, Narcissist Divorce Coach

Victoria McCooey, Narcissist Divorce Coach and Creator of the Reclaim Your Power System™

joins us today to help identify the behavior of a narcissist, how women are influenced by narcissists, the types of women who are attracted to narcissists, and how women can divorce a narcissist. It’s not easy, but the victims of a narcissistic relationship can reclaim their power and control and leave the relationship better than when they entered it.

 

Spotting a narcissist is easy when you understand the narcissistic personality:

 

1. Love bombing at the beginning of the relationship by putting their victims on a pedestal
2. Controlling the relationship
3. Verbally abusive
4. Exerting superiority
5. Demean and devalue their targets
6. Require an unrealistic level of trust
7. Charismatic, generous, doting
8. Persuasive
9. Grandiose visions of themselves
10. Targets people with low self-esteem who are trusting and alone
11. Gaslighting/blaming

 

Narcissists move the goal post so that plans can never be counted on, keeping their targets off-balance, allowing the narcissist to remain in control of the relationship. Victoria explained, “We’re wired to believe people. When things happen that create feelings of distrust, we’re made to feel wrong and crazy by the narcissist.”

 

Low self-esteem vs high self-esteem. High self-esteem will be slowly whittled away by the narcissist while someone with low self-esteem can be quickly controlled. “People with low self-esteem, especially women, don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings so they will allow themselves to be abused to keep the peace.” When it comes to our own personal space and image, we will allow people to do things to us that are unspeakable.

 

The decision to leave. Love bomb, devalue, and discard. These are three steps that almost always take place before the narcissist will “hoover” their partners back in.  Vitoria stated that “someone can be sucked in an average of 7 times before they have the courage to leave.

 

Over-achievers, intelligent, independent women are embarrassed that they’ve become sucked in by a narcissist, thinking they should have been smarter than to let this relationship happen. It doesn’t matter how smart you are or how much money you’ve earned, narcissists attack you in ways that are unexpected and that no defense has been established. It takes a while to identify a narcissist, understand them, and eventually to leave them. Sometimes there has to be a physically violent episode that is the trigger to leave. But watch out for “the hoover”, the mechanism by which the narcissist will try to suck in their victims

 

With the tools that Victoria will provide as a Narcissist Divorce Coach, the “hoover” in your life can be returned with money back: Your freedom.

 

#narcissist #narcissistdivorcecoach #personalitydisorder #divorcinganarcissst #divorcecoach #theamicabledivorceexpert #mediation #communicationwithanarcissist #divorcepodcast #coparentingwithanarcissist #reclaimyourpower #narcissistsurvivor

 

Biography of Victoria McCooey, Narcissist Divorce Coach

 

Victoria McCooey is a Narcissist Divorce Coach, Motivational Speaker, and Creator of The Reclaim Your Power System™. She works with those trapped in a toxic, controlling or otherwise abusive marriage to help them stand up to their abuser and regain control of their lives. Having been in an abusive marriage to a narcissistic spouse herself, Victoria is passionate about helping others make the same remarkable transformation that she did. Her articles have been featured in notable publications and websites, and she’s appeared on numerous shows and podcasts. Through her writing, speaking, private and group coaching programs, social media following, and her YouTube channel, Victoria has helped thousands acquire the skills, mindset shifts and courage necessary to stand up to an abusive partner and to create a joyful new life for themselves and their children. You can learn more about Victoria and her coaching programs at victoriamccooey.com.

 

Instagram: @victoria_mccooey

You Tube: https://www.youtube.com/c/VictoriaMcCooey

Tik Tok: @victoriamccooey

Website: www.VictoriaMcCooey.com