THE Amicable Divorce Expert with Judith Weigle

Are You a Victim? 1 Step to Control

On this episode of THE Amicable Divorce Expert, you’ll learn the following:

1. Being a Victim is a Choice, not a Requirement. Why some people choose Victimhood in their marriages.
 a. Learned behavior from parents’ relationship.
 b. Feelings of personal insecurity.
 c. Fear of losing the relationship.

2. How to know when you’re a Victim.
 a. You give the power of decision-making to your spouse, even when it doesn’t make sense.
 b. You fear bringing up topics to your spouse, like the finances of the family, to avoid verbal hostility.
 c. You don’t insist on being part of the income tax filing, and sign them without reading them. 
 d. Your spouse will present a settlement agreement to you to sign before a legal professional is involved for legal advice, or to initiate the filing.

3. How to Change from Victim to Equal Partner in the Divorce Decision-Making
 a. “I am an equal partner in this relationship and want equal decision-making in the divorce.”
 b. Once you process and understand why you’ve accepted being a victim, your voice and attitude can change to one of Calm Control.
 c. You don’t have to be mean, arrogant, or demanding. Bear in mind that it was your choice, consciously or unconsciously, to be submissive in the marital decision-making. More than likely, this submissive position as driven you to the divorce.  That’s okay; you’re now exercising control over your own life. Using a calm tone, and words that aren’t offensive, is to your advantage. 
 d. What typically happens once a victim leaves their former role of powerless person, and assumes the role of control, is that there is an over exaggeration of attitude, which starts a fight, and blows everything out of proportion. The controlling spouse will be shocked at seeing a different attitude in their submissive spouse, and will become both defensive and offensive. That’s why it’s so very important to use a calm, soothing voice, and words that are just as calming, too. (give example) BIFF
 e. A power imbalance has been created and maintained during the marriage. Once the victim wants to change the power imbalance, that will create fear in the mind of the controlling spouse. A calm tone, and a refusal to argue, will minimize the reaction of the controlling spouse. Remember, that there are also issues from the personality make-up, and from the way the controller was raised, that contribute their approach to a marriage. Don’t blame them. Sometimes they don’t realize what they’re doing. They need help, too.
 f. Lastly, realize that when legal professionals are involved, and after you’ve received legal advice, the professionals will go by the laws of the state, and will be your support system, so to speak, to create the balance that never was, in working with you to craft a divorce settlement.

#victim #control #powerimbalance #financialassets #decision-making #incometax returns #divorcelaws #legaladvice #divorcesettlement #insecurity #power #communication #toneofvoice #BIFF #Bill Eddy #words

 

The Power of Silence

In this episode of THE Amicable Divorce Expert, you will learn the following:

 

1. It’s the words we choose and the tone of voice we use that will give us the strength we need in our communication

 

2. How not to be verbally bullied

 

3. How to respond to toxic communication

 

4. The secret advantage of not engaging in fighting

 

5. No need to justify yourself in divorce negotiations

 

6. Less is more in the War of Words

 

7. BIFF is your toxic communication approach

 

8. Don’t Threaten Court even if Court is necessary. Just suggest it as a considered resolution.

 

9. Lay down the rope to stop a verbal tug of war.

 

10. The goal post can’t move.

 

#communication #bullying #tugofwar #warofwords #fighting #communicationtechniques #BIFF #words #toneofvoice #toxiccommunication #negotiation #court #podcast #divorcepodcast #toxictexts #toxicemails #divorceattorney

Lessons Learned from Mediations This Week

1. If you knowingly married the wrong person, admit it in the divorce and correct the record. 
A. You will then be mediating from a point of authenticity and strength.
B. You don’t have to negotiate the settlement outside of the laws of your state, but the voice you will have in the negotiation will be stronger, will not be blaming, but instead will be a voice from truth, and the truth will set you emotionally free. People think that getting more of a settlement than they thought they could get is the reward. I say, “No.” I say the reward is to be unshankled by the veil of dishonesty that covered up the truth of the relationship.

2. There are three divorces: Emotional, Legal and Social
A. Go through the grieving before filing
B. File with a healed heart
C. Your social circle will change with a divorce

3. Don’t try to win your mediator over by bashing your spouse.
A. A good mediator will never be swayed by spouse-bashing, but you will put your mediator on guard against you. That means that the mediator has to work extra hard to remain neutral and just work on advancing the conversation, the negotiation, the settlement issues between the spouses.

4. Do not force settlement terms on your spouse. This will make your spouse not trust you, and trust is at stake here.
A. Men do this to women more than women do this to men.
B. And, men do this to women without receiving counsel from an attorney. 
C. And it generally seems that the tone, the condition of the relationship, in those instances where a settlement agreement is proposed to the wife, is fragile, not amicable, and fraught with fear.
D. Bring in the attorneys, cause that is the only way fear can be diminished.

 

Protect Child and Spousal Support After Divorce w/Dina Mabry, Life Insurance Expert

In Episode 239 of THE Amicable Divorce Expert podcast, you will learn the following:

 

1. How life insurance can protect your child and spousal support payments

 

2. How life insurance can provide for long-term care financial assistance

 

3. The security of receiving life insurance for income tax free money

 

4. The difference between the 529 Plan vs Life Insurance for the children’s colleges

 

5. LifeHappens.org explains the differences in all types of insurance, to include Disability Insurance, Long-Term Care Insurance, Life and Term Insurance

 

6. Lots of different ways to use insurance

 

#lifeinsurance #long-termcarepolicy #childsupport #spousalsupport #alimony #disabilityinsurance #protect #plan 529Plan #taxfreemoney #incometax #terminsurance

 

 

DINA MABRY BIOGRAPHY

 

Dina is a trusted resource for life, long-term care, and disability insurance. Being in the industry for over 15 years, Dina has become a respected consultant by creatively finding solutions for estate planning, income replacement and long-term care protection solutions.

Working with over 30+ carriers, she strives to be a reliable expert in her field so clients can make informed decisions and sleep at night knowing they and their families are protected.  She is a wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. 

 

Dina can be reached at DinaM@BGAinsurance.com or 818-601-3049

www.bgapremierinsurance.com

FB – BGApremierinsurance

IG -BGA_premier_insurance

3rd Time’s a Charm: Happily Married Forever NOW w/Lisa David Olson, Thrice Married, TEDx Speaker, Humorist

On this episode of THE Amicable Divorce Expert podcast, you will learn the following:

 

1. Divorce Statistics for multiple marriages

 

2. Why people continue to divorce in multiple marriages

 

3. Different reasons for divorces

 

4. How having children changes the marital relationship

 

5. How working together as a married couple affects the marriage

 

6. The importance of getting along during divorce, and the rising expense of legal representation

 

7. Grieving the loss of the marriage is paramount before hiring lawyers and filing for divorce

 

8. Patterns are formed in how relationships start and should be noted for insight

 

9. Good co-parenting communication is essential in enjoying co-parenting

 

10. How a prenup can be a caring document

 

11. How Emotional Intelligence benefits for an amicable divorce

 

12. Best Interest of the Child

 

#divorce #marriage #co-parenting #multiplemarriages #lawyers #grief #grieving #therapy #communication #relationshippatterns #childsupport #spousalsupport #alimony #divorcepodcast #divorcepodcast #amicabledivorce #vulnerable #vulnerability #prenup #couplestherapy #blendedfamilies #emotionalintelligence #emotions #intention #BestInterestsoftheChild #family #parentalalienation @LisaDavidOlson @JudithWeigle

 

Biography of Lisa David Olson

 

Lisa David Olson is a character. Olson is a self-proclaimed (Practically) World Famous Business Humorist, Multi TEDx speaker, Author, Interactive Speaker, Speaker Trainer, Podcast Host of Stranger Connections, Writer, Innovator, and Prank-Enthusiast.

 

Lisa has been married three times, with two of the most amicable divorces on record. She is a mother of two boys, and step-mom for three other boys from her current #3 husband.

 

Lisa’s relationship philosophies and application of same, provide a guiding light for those embarking on the divorce journey.

 

Stranger Connections podcast

Lisa@LisaDavidOlson.com

https://www.linkedin.com/in/lisa-david-olson-80376612/

Voluntary Settlement Conferences Instead of Mediation with Kathryn Costas, CDFA

In this episode of THE Amicable Divorce Expert, you will learn the following:

 

1. What a Voluntary Settlement Conference (VSC) is.

 

2. Who comprises and attends a VSC.

 

3. Purpose of a VSC.

 

4. The Judge in a VSC is chosen by both sides. The Judge is a Private Judge.

 

5. The Judge in a VSC can be directive in terms of how a Judge in a divorce trial will more than likely decide on issues.

 

6. What a DissoMaster calculator does for child and spousal support/alimony, and how to use it for support.

 

7. VSCs take place outside of a courthouse.

 

8. Who pays for the Judge and all legal and financial professionals in a VSC.

 

9. How a Mission Statement at the outset of a divorce can be helpful.

 

10. Divorce is a grieving process and will influence the settlement.

 

11. The Emotional Settlement and the Legal Settlement, how do people do both?

 

12. How can a Parenting Coach help in the transition from in-home parenting to co-parenting in two homes.

 

13. How children are affected by co-parents who fight.

 

14. The Goal: Two Financially Stable Households

 

15. Pathway to a confident financial settlement

 

#podcast #divorcepodcast #amicabledivorce #VoluntarySettlementConference #courthouse #divorcecourt #mediation #grieve #financiallystable #PrivateJudge #co-parents #co-parenting #LegalSettlement #EmotionalSettlement #EmotionalDivorce #FinancialSettlement #MissionStatement #DissoMaster #divorcetrial @KathrynCostas @JudithWeigle @TheAmicableDivorceExpert

 

Biography

 

Kathy Costas is a Vice President and CDFA® or Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® at EP Wealth Advisors. She has been working in the financial services industry since 1987. She uses her education and personal experience to serve as a compassionate guide to help her clients successfully navigate the financial aspects of the divorce process.

 

Kathy is a member of the National Association of Divorce Professionals and was appointed by the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts as the chair of the Southern California chapter of the Divorce Alliance, a group for divorce professionals. She is also the leader of the Conejo Divorce Resources Professionals group.  Kathy is an active volunteer with the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation and is a member of the local chapter of the nonprofit fundraising group Dining For Women.

 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/kathy-costas-8a042415/

 

Email is Kcostas@epwealth.com

805-372-1093

Navigating the Court System w/Gayle Glazer, Court Mediator

On this episode of THE Amicable Divorce Expert you will learn the following:

 

1. The services available to the public

 

2. The cost involved in using the Self-Help Center

 

3. The availabilities and importance of language services/translators

 

4. Who qualifies for free court services

 

5. How is mediation provided if connected to a case

 

6. How culture affects mediation

 

7. How Judges are required to render decisions

 

8. Managing expectations of people scheduled for Hearings

 

9. How and when mediation is used within the court system

 

10. What is expected of the litigants to bring into court for their Hearings

 

11. How Mediation Settlement Agreements are handled by the Judge for your Hearing

 

12. How Self-Help Centers provide service, and the limitations imposed

 

13. State proposed solution to professional legal services with representation and court coordination

 

#court #mediation #Judge #Hearings #Filing #Translation #LanguageServices #DivorceCourt #FamilyLaw #CourtFees #Evidence #Settlements #Self-HelpServices #Self-HelpCenter #Settlement Agreement

 

Biography of Gayle Glazer

 

Gayle Glazer has been a bilingual (Spanish/English) mediator in the Los Angeles Superior Courts since her retirement ten years ago from her three- decade career in the Los Angeles Unified School District.

 

In 2020, Ms. Glazer became a MC3 Certified Mediator in the state of California. Most recently, she has joined ACMAS, Attorney-Client Mediation and Arbitration Services through the Los Angeles County Bar Association where she will serve as the “lay” arbitrator on the State Bar of California’s Mandatory Fee Arbitration Panel.

 

Gayle has utilized her conflict resolution skills developed during her career to assist courtroom neophytes. She has helped the opposing parties to settle hundreds of cases, primarily in the areas of Unlawful Detainer (Eviction), Civil Harassment Restraining Orders, Workplace Violence, Elder Abuse and every type of case imaginable in Small Claims Court.

 

www.GlazerMediation.com 

Emotional Intelligence for Divorce Fear w/Patty McGuire, Emotional Intelligence Master and Coach

You will learn the following:

 

1. How to approach the emotions that come up when the decision to divorce takes place.
2. How to deal with grief and fear.
3. Set an intent to handle the emotions in a positive way.
4. Why are words important in divorce language?
5. What is Trauma Bonding?
6. How to choose a support group, and surround yourself with, who will keep your emotions positive.
7. Are you in the Fear Rabbit Hole?
8. Self-care is not optional. It gets you out of fear
9. How grief can be a learning opportunity.
10. How do you believe your role was supposed to be in marriage? Was this a false or true belief?
11. Ask each other, “What is our perception of divorce?”
12. Definition of Emotional Intelligence, and how does having EI get you through fear?
13. Patty’s definition of Fear. “Fear brings you information that you need in order to be more of yourself.”
14. Question your belief systems to find out why the marriage didn’t work out.
15. How to handle divorce fears through Emotional Intelligence.
16. When do you hire an attorney if you need representation?
17. Patty’s Steps to Emotional Intelligence: Find a positive support system. Disconnect from time lines provided by others. Allow yourself to grieve. Practice self-awareness.

 

#EmotionalIntelligence #Grief #Fear #SupportGroups #Therapy #Lawyers #Attorney #Divorce #Belief Systems #Marriage #Trauma #Emotions #Podcast #DivorcePodcast #Amicable Divorce @Patty McGuire @JudithWeigle

 

Biography for Patty McGuire

 

Patty McGuire

Founder, Positivity Influencer Coaching

Patty@thepositivityinfluencer.com

www.loveyourmarriageagain.com

 

Patty McGuire started as a self-worth coach who taught her clients how to create more love and happiness in their lives - one step at a time. Specializing in emotional wellness, divorce recovery and saving marriages, her unique method guides people from fear and pain back to love.

 

McGuire is now an Emotional Intelligence Master and Coach, and speaks with clients individually and for C-Suite Executives who want to bring Emotional Intelligence to their businesses and leadership methods.

Top 10 Divorce Myths

In this episode of THE Amicable Divorce Expert, you will learn the following:

 

1. Getting Legal Advice is being Disloyal to Your Spouse. “We decided we wanted to keep it amicable, and going to an attorney makes it litigious.”

 

2. Filing a Response to the Petition makes the divorce contentious.

 

3. More parenting time will be given to Mom. The fear of most men.

 

4. “The Judge will see my side if we go to court.”

 

5. The ruder the lawyer, the better the outcome for their client.

 

6. The Mediator or Document Preparation people can give legal advice and consulting.

 

7. Filing a huge brief or statement at a Hearing will help you win in court.

 

8. The first person who files has the upper hand or advantage.

 

9. Asking for financial damages because the marriage didn’t work out.

 

10. “I’ll take everything, even full custody of the kids, if you divorce me.”

Laughter is Key for a Heart-Healthy Divorce

In this episode of THE Amicable Divorce Expert podcast you will learn the following:

 

1. Why Laughter is Important

 

2. Why physical exercise is necessary

 

3. Why the combination of exercise with laughter is golden

 

4. The emotional effects of laughter

 

5. The physical effects of laughter

 

6. Scientific evidence that laughter is the best medicine

 

7. How stress can cause serious life illness

 

8. Suggestions for exercise with laughter

 

#stress #laughter #exercise #self-care #divorce #MayoClinic #medicine #illness #podcast #amicable #divorcepodcast